If your anxiety spikes during the holidays, you’re not alone. The holidays are supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year,” right? For some, it’s all twinkling lights, cozy gatherings, and peppermint-flavored everything. But for many, the season feels more like a stress marathon with a heavy dose of “Why can’t I just relax and enjoy this?”
In fact, the American Psychological Association found that nearly 41% of people feel an increase in stress in general around the holidays, and 58% are stressed about money during this season (see research here). And that’s just scratching the surface. Let’s explore why this happens—and what you can do to make it through with a little more ease.
Why Anxiety Peaks During the Holidays
One of the biggest culprits behind holiday anxiety is the pressure to meet impossible expectations. You might feel like you need to create magical memories for your kids, buy the perfect gifts, and say “yes” to every invitation—all while juggling the same life responsibilities you had before December hit. It’s a recipe for exhaustion.
Then there’s the emotional side. Family dynamics can get messy, even in the best of times. Maybe there’s unresolved tension, or you’re walking on eggshells around certain relatives. The holidays also stir up memories—some sweet, others painful—that can trigger unexpected emotions. Add in financial strain and a disrupted routine, and it’s no wonder your anxiety feels louder than usual.
Even your body isn’t immune to holiday stress. Research shows that chronic stress can mess with your sleep, appetite, and energy levels, leaving you feeling physically drained and emotionally on edge. It’s a vicious cycle: the more stress you feel, the harder it becomes to manage your anxiety, which then amplifies the stress.
The Holiday Comparison Trap
It doesn’t help that social media bombards us with curated perfection. Endless photos of beautifully decorated homes, coordinated family outfits, and extravagant holiday spreads can leave you wondering, Am I the only one who doesn’t have it all together? Spoiler alert: you’re not. What you see online is a highlight reel, not reality. But knowing that doesn’t always stop the creeping self-doubt.
Why It’s Not Just You
The holidays are uniquely stressful because they pull you in so many directions at once. Emotionally, financially, and socially, it’s a time of heightened demand. Even if you don’t usually struggle with anxiety, the season can push you to your limits.
For those with existing anxiety disorders, it can feel like anxiety takes the driver’s seat. The disruption of your routine—late nights, skipped workouts, or too many holiday treats—throws off your normal coping mechanisms. And let’s not forget the endless small talk at parties, awkward family dinners, and the sheer overstimulation of bright lights and constant noise.
What You Can Do About It
Here’s the good news: while you can’t eliminate all holiday stress, there are ways to manage it so it doesn’t overwhelm you.
1. Set Realistic Expectations
Let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect. Nobody remembers if the mashed potatoes were lumpy or the tree wasn’t Instagram-worthy. Focus on what truly matters—connection, joy, and maybe just surviving with your sanity intact.
2. Coping Ahead
A skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), coping ahead involves imagining yourself in a potentially stressful situation and mentally rehearsing how you’ll handle it. Pair this with a relaxation exercise, like progressive muscle relaxation, to teach your body how to stay calm in the moment.
For example, if you’re nervous about a holiday party, take a few minutes beforehand to picture yourself walking in, making small talk, and leaving when you’re ready—all without spiraling into panic. This practice helps build confidence and reduces anticipatory anxiety.
3. Take Breaks
Give yourself permission to step away when needed. Whether it’s a walk around the block, a quiet moment in your car, or just sitting in another room with a cup of tea, these little resets can make a big difference.
4. Connect Mindfully
Instead of trying to do everything, focus on being fully present in the moments that matter. If you’re baking cookies with your kids or chatting with a close friend, let yourself soak in the experience without worrying about your to-do list.
How Therapy Can Help
Sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself during the holidays is the support of a therapist. Therapy isn’t about fixing you—because you’re not broken. It’s about giving you tools to handle stress, process emotions, and set boundaries that protect your peace.
In therapy, you can learn to:
- Challenge perfectionistic thinking (Do I really need to host four different holiday dinners?).
- Address the underlying anxieties that keep you stuck in a cycle of stress.
- Create a plan for managing difficult family dynamics.
- Build mindfulness practices that help you stay grounded.
Final Thoughts
As the year winds down, it’s a great time to reflect—not on what you didn’t get done, but on how you can show up for yourself moving forward. Remember, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Whether that means taking a break, setting boundaries, or just letting yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, you deserve care and compassion.
This season, give yourself permission to take a breath. After all, the best memories are made when you’re fully present—not running on empty.
